I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like no matter what I do or who I meet, I have a continually black cloud looming over me. I can't seem to ever make enough money to support myself and when I do, something bad seems to follow. I am an irresponsible person who enjoy spending their money with friends and on myself instead of saving it. My parents are on a constant state of hatred towards me now because I can't support myself under their roof. They incessantly persist on yelling at me to get serious, get serious. Aren't you nervous about what's going to happen next? For some reason, I'm not. I haven't heard from Hasbro in a few weeks now and I don't have my job at cheesecake anymore. I really am fucked but in my head, it doesn't bother me.

By September, I'll be kicked out of my house. Do I want this to happen? Am I going to be able to do this? Probably not. I'll probably go missing or end up dying. The strong continue as the weak fall behind. They don't have classes on how to live in the real world. They don't have classes to tell you that if you spend more than you can chew, you will be fucked for the rest of your life, as nothing more seems to be getting better.

Inside of my head, I want to just leave a note. Sell my things. Get as much as you can for it all. I'm gone. Bus ticket and here I go. Life is not important to me. I am not happy. I haven't been for a long time. It's too cruel out there for someone like me. I'm not an aggressive go-getter as everyone foretold me to be. My family always said I would be a big success and it just so happens, that I am the biggest loser.

I miss the old days. When my parents weren't yelling at me everyday. They yell and yell and yet, I have to go and do everything on my own. I have no help. Does everything really have to be like this? I can't believe this is what you have to go through in order to survive. I'd like to think of myself as a unique person but that doesn't make money. Money is not in my future it seems. Every time I come into some, poof! It's gone.

I am constantly running. How do I just stop talking to all of my friends and go to work and come home. Go to work and come home. Go to work and come home. Go to work and come home. What the fuck kind of life is that lead? Sorry mom and dad that I don't want to be a unhappy husk of a human being when I see you everyday, miserable. Upset that your life sucks so obviously, if mine is going bad, you have to feel the need to inform me. Yes, I know I'm not who you wanted me to be. I apologize. What the fuck do you want me to do? I could have twelve jobs and I feel as if no matter what I try to do, you would still disapprove.

Is there anything I can do? Other than hit the powerball, I think it'd be easier to run away to a different country and try my shitty luck somewhere else.