It's such a great feeling after you finish running and you take a hot shower. There is something about a run. You strap on your headphones, put on your glasses, and you just go. You let loose. There is nothing to bother you or stop you. You just push yourself the hardest you ever had because you are so narcissistic that you have to care too much about your body.

I hate the way I look. I think I look fat and ugly. It could be the fat kid in me saying, "Matt, you still look like shit." I hate it.

(I am typing this while trying to listen to a boring lecture. Ugh. Lectures about editing is something I don't understand. Why can't we just fucking edit?" Learn through experience, not talking heads.)

You know what we all do to get away from reality? We all watch movies. We all watch television. I'm sure a lot of us out there smoke, drink, dance. Anything to get us away from reality. Don't you think it is a little terrible that we have to get away from reality...all the fucking time! We are always away. Is the world that bad? Or do we have too much on our minds? It's amazing. How bad is the world, does anybody know? It's one of those unanswered questions. The millions of them.

It's funny though. I have heard from everyone that I look good. Great. Fabulous. Sexy. Hot. A lot of these things. I guess my mind doesn't want me to believe it. Or, I have my sights set too high. Or maybe I don't.