Do people fear me because I try to love everyone equally and show them the same respect I show everyone else? Being a friend to someone overly much is a bad thing? I treat a new friend like I have known them for many years and I think that frightens people. I have never understood why. Sometimes I do rush to be their "number one" friend and I think that is what people don't like. It's the mere fact that maybe I like being that person you can go to and just let loose. Nothing to worry about.

I am in a relationship that will end? Is it so hard to find...

I always try to extrude that positive attitude and have a smile on my face. To emit positive energy and not bring everyone down. There is so much that I can be sad for. I don't know what is going on with my boyfriend and I want it to work but I don't know if it will. I am optimistic and I just want a relationship and I want love. I want to feel that. I want to know that someone out there loves me for me. And I think. I thought. I hope he does.

I have lost much these past couple of days. A girlfriend that I could have had and probably if I made the right decision, could have had the best relationship of my life. But I decided to follow my heart and I think my heart likes to lead me in the worst direction. I have lost a friend. I don't know what he was. He was my first for a lot of things with a guy. I was attached to him despite I think being about himself and using me. I tried to be so kind and so loving to him. Walking to his house when I didn't have a car. I realize that I become this co-dependent person. I dislike that. I hate that. It seems that I become infatuated with the notion of a relationship. Maybe it's because I go too fast. Maybe it's because when I like something I keep going.

Crying has become so natural to me these past couple of months. I am crying right now actually. Finding myself in love with people. People who are immature. People who I know aren't right for me but something draws me to them.

This guy now, I thought he was right. He still might be. We have so much in common. But am I only kidding myself...?

Did I make this biggest mistake of my life...? Or do I still have a chance?

"Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all."
I don't know about this.