Well. Where to begin. Nowhere I guess.

I should be getting a car hopefully. I realize it was a big mistake not getting one originally. I didn't think I needed one but I forgot that I seem to make friends easily and when I feel like hanging with them, the burden arises for a ride which I hate asking for. You know, we all see so many people who have it made and I always wished I could have been one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I love my parents because they have given me everything I have ever wanted but it never came easily for them. Why couldn't things be different? Why does struggle exist? To make us stronger? Or to make us weaker? My parents....no better yet, my entire family is counting on me to make it big. To become something large in this world of extreme hardships and turmoil. I promised myself I would do it. I have and always will tell myself that if you want to achieve something, then go and get it. Work hard enough and you will get there.

Do I bother my friends here? I asked a friend of mine if there was something about me he didn't like? He said the way I copycat things him and his roommate does. When I first heard this, I was a little upset but not much, I guess I could understand. But then someone said to me, Imitation is the sincerest form or flattery. I forgot that. Sometimes I wonder if I am a good friend. If people simply just try to avoid me. I've always wondered that. Why do I feel so alone? Would a girlfriend help fill that void? Or will it remain? I never really felt alone in RI. I always had people there who usually wanted to do something. But I am no longer in RI and for those that are still there, I have lost a couple. Is it wrong to feel so alone in the world when I know I have my family and friends? I am happy but when the lights are out and the world is silent, there is nothing. No ringing of the phone, no blip of the IM, nothing. What do I do wrong? I have gotten depressed before and I promised myself I would not get that way again. I cried over someone everyday for a week. I cried when she was there. When I talked to her. When I though about her. It was the biggest disappointment in my life. Can you imagine that though? For an entire month or maybe even more, I couldn't stop thinking about this one person? Every time I woke up, she was immediately in my mind. When I was not around her, I was physically sad. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep well. I only slept well when she was right next to me. I loved her. I loved her so much. If she told me to jump, I would say off what bridge? She broke my heart. I didn't realize my eyes could dispel so much liquid when I found out that we were through. No more. No talking. No contact. Worst day of my life. The good times though is something I will never forget. Getting drunk together in my bedroom. Laughing so hard in my basement. Looking at the stars while lying in the front yard holding hands. Talking about our future. Perfect. Somethings aren't meant to be. Fate has a funny sense of humor. But somewhere out there, maybe there is a one for me. Someone thinking that very same thought. It's a small world after all.