Who would have imagined. You can't make this shit up. I do what I can, ya know? I have no money. I get sixty bucks a week roughly. That is nothing. I have to put gas in my car and I try to go out when I can. I met someone who I really liked but I fucked it up, of course. Now, it's just...I don't know. I mean the situation is terrible. We barely talk and when I see him, I just feel so awkward.

I met him and we chilled for a little bit and things were going well. But I rushed it, not knowing because I had extreme happiness tunnel vision, and he basically told me it wasn't time. Which is understandable. But he won't really talk to me or even chill with me now. I have always asked people, if you have something to say to me, then say it. If you don't want me around or you don't want me talking to you, then just tell me. I hate playing games and I am just trying to be remain aloof. Unfortunately, he is still in my head. I think about him quite a bit and it's scary.

Normally, I would be over this. He is like the many others who have done the same thing but he feels different. He's kind, generous, fun, funny. All of these really great qualities and I just caught him at a wrong time, of course.

It just sucks when you know you are a good person. Everyone tells you. Everyone tells you, "you look great." Why doesn't anybody see it? Is there something that says, "treat me like shit, please." I feel hopeless. And alone. Combination together is terrible. Crying over something that only lasted a week long??!! It's amazing the chemical reaction that your mind can have when you like someone enough. It's unnerving. Do you think it will ever happen for me? Someone hot and all of the above qualities. Ugh, it sucks right now.

I should just concentrate on school. Take my mind off things.