You know, I did the best thing I could. I left someone who could potentially bring me down. He could ruin my life. Make things so difficult for me. I did the impossible. But now I am starting to think about him and miss him. That was to be expected of course. There is something about me that tries to see the best in people. The good things. I want to help people and I want to change them for the better but I realize that people don't want to be changed. People have to change for themselves. I know that one day in the future when he is alone and bored. Or sick. Or his place is a disgusting mess.

He will think of me. He will think of what he doesn't have anymore. The one person who cared for him so much. Did things for him that he will never forget. I hope when he is down one day so low, he thinks of what he can do to change. I hope that I influence him in some way. Good or bad.

I loved him. As a friend. As maybe something more. He was...I was about to say an amazing friend but then I would just be throwing that shield in front of my eyes again. Trying not to see who he really is and that is how I get in the position I always do. We always want what we can't have.

There is nothing that can stop me from being who I am. And if I get hurt along the way, then maybe it's worth it to find out who I am and help people along the way.