Love is something that cannot be described in words. Even if it is done exceedingly well, there is always something forgotten. I know I keep ranting about this one person. I know it is excessive. But I would rather get it out than leave it in to erupt on a moments notice. I do not dare to understand the nature of love. I fell in love. I fell in love with someone that despite how great my feelings were and how I thought I spoke them, they did not deter her from being that which hindered me. I know that seems selfish. And it is. It is very selfish to ask someone to give up what they truely believe for the sake of my happiness. But happiness seems to come at too high a price for me. I never understood why I am who I am? Is there a reason? I am overweight, haven't had a girlfriend in quite sometime (I like being single all the same), virginity still intact, and yet I like my life. There are times when I look at what I have and it is...an amazing feeling knowing that you are wanted. That you have friends who would be there for you if things got rough. I thought that the person that I lost was one of those people but I was mistaken. Maybe for better or for worse. I don't think I will know until the future comes around.

I have made mistakes. I have made so many errors in judgement. I am sincere. I am honest. I do not lie. I tell the truth. What reason do I have to lie? None at all. I am not out for personal gain. I do not do things so I can show you my power and control. I have been a selfless person to some people. In the end though, I get shit on. Like always.

Why is it so hard to keep friends? What am I doing wrong?