I have this fear of being forgotten. I was always concerned that when I come down here, everyone I know would forget about me. Forget that I was here or that I was even alive. My biggest fear was that Brittany would forget about me. But Oh look, it looks like my worst fear came true. The one fucking thing I didn't want to happen to me, of all things, happened. I miss her. I hate myself for bringing this up. I don't need this stress or turmoil. It's just that we ended as friends because she thought something about me that was so untrue and it kills me. I was awesome, The best fucking friend she could have ever had, at least I think. And I had the best times of my life with her and look at me now. Worried about whether she thinks of me at all or if I was just a ghost, a not worth remembering memory, a dream.

This world is so unfair. I believe I am a kind, generous, and caring person who worries about his friends and this happens to me. I know I am not the only one and I dare not presume to think I am but why couldn't I fall in love with the one person (at the moment) that I want to be with and could have her want to be with me back? But no lets fuck this up some more said whoever is the king of relationships, Let's make her a lesbian and his BEST FRIEND and then we will have him fall in love with her but he can never have her ever and she will not care. Sure let's do that. That's maniacal. Cupid was not on my side ever.